The Caffeine Apocalypse
Published at 4 November 2016 10:34 AM EDT in 'General'
Why is there an alarm buzzing sound going off in this cafe? Doesn’t that counteract the purpose of a cafe? I want a cozy, relaxed world in which to sit and look at ridiculous cat videos on my computer while I procrastinate working on my blog as I struggle with a lack of inspiration.
And yet the alarm keeps going on, and on, and on. Making me wonder if I am not actually in a cafe, but rather in my bed at home. Could I be fast asleep incorporating my alarm clock into my dream so that my mind does not have to actually wake my body up and get it out of bed. let’s face it my mind is a lazy son of bitch that would rather keep its body cozy in bed traipsing around dreamland.
Nope can’t be a dream, I remember the chaos of getting the kids to school this morning. Both of whom refuse to admit that winter is upon us. One tried to leave with no coat at all (it was 3 degrees outside), and the other left with no hat. Then once we drove back to the house to get a hat, we figured out that the first one had no gloves. So unless that lovely event was a nightmare, I am definitely wake. I guess that does feel kinda nightmare ish … oh wait the alarm stopped. I am going to go with awake. Yes I am awake, but I need more coffee!! What was it Camus said:
“Should I kill myself, or have a cup of coffee?"
Smart man I tell you. Not that I think I should kill myself, but that he realized coffee was important on that scale. It is in fact a life or death kinda thing. I have no freaking idea how anyone would survive a zombie apocalypse if they couldn’t stop and make a coffee. Then again maybe that is why there is a zombie apocalypse. They ran out of coffee and their brains died with the thought “must get coffee” repeating over and over as the only thought that was able to function. Then one of them saw a non-zombie drinking a coffee and attacked them, but the cup was empty. So the zombie was forced to starting eating the person in order to get the coffee and then the other zombies started following suit. The brain killing disease would then be transferred to any person who was not wholly eaten. And wahla Zombie Apocalypse!
Wow this stream took a weird turn … I’m gonna go with it!
But then the few remaining individuals in the world would lock themselves in the Diefenbunker (clearly the Canadians are the awesome people who are going to survive). They would go about figuring out how to survive, and how this all happened. One of them would have a dark secret, that over the course of many months, and possibly torture, the others would pry out of him. Turns out he was a scientist who had worked for a company that mass produced terrible Columbian coffee, with a focus on instant coffee (blagh). They had forced him to create a chemical that would make people crave their coffees. And when they tested it on mice it worked! The mice all drank seven mouse sized pots of crappy coffee a day. The coffee company was so thrilled they rushed to put the chemical into their products and send them to market.
Only one day the scientist came into his lab to find half a dozen Zombie mice roaming around a cage splatter with blood and guts everywhere. And he knew the end was upon us …
So he packed up all of his science books and survival gear and headed to Canada as fast as possible (because even he knew that the Canadians were the awesomest). So he spends his days in the bunker trying to create a weapon that will wipe out the zombies of the world. He hopes to right the wrong he created, and in doing so make amends and be forgiven …
The other survivors in the Diefenbunker are not so sure they are ready to forgive just yet; being chased by your parents who are trying to eat you can do that to a person! Then again they are Canadian so obviously they will forgive him ... and then apologize for not doing it sooner.
Photo: My Space - Digital Photograph, Williams Cafe