My Daily Stream of Consciousness

Published at 10 May 2017 12:10 PM EDT in 'General'

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Google and I are becoming good friends.

We have long conversations about how I would like to find the quickest route between point A and point B. And how I would like for her to send a text to my husband that we are driving in the car to pick him up, as obviously I can not text because I am driving! And when I ask her to pick a number between 1 and 4 she makes this adorable little old time arcade sound and does it for me.

So this morning, struggling to think of anything to write about, I turned to my friend (yes I spend waaay too much time alone sometimes, but fuck it, sometimes I like being alone).

Me:

Okay Google, Ask Me a Random Question

Google:

It’s a people question. Which celebrity was born first? Tupac Shakur, Tila Tequila, or Michael Jackson?

Me:

I don’t care

Google:

Bad luck this time.
The answer is, in fact, Michael Jackson. Would you like another question?

Me:

Yes

Google:

Listenup. Which animal do you think this is? A leopard, a turkey, an otter? (plays clip)

Me:

A leopard

Google:

Are you serious? Of course, that’s right. Would you like another question?

Me:

Ask me a philosophical question

Google:

Sorry,. Would you like another question?

Me:

OK Google ask me a philosophical question.

Google:

Answer this. Superstar Roger Federer is from which country? Austria, Germany, or Switzerland?

Me:

That’s not really what I meant

Google:

That didn’t seem like an answer. Superstar Roger Federer is from which country? Austria, Germany, or Switzerland?

Me:

But I don’t know who Roger Federer is …

Google:

That was really hard
It’s actually Switzerland
Federer identifies as Swiss, but he has dual citizenship in Switzerland and South Africa. Would you like another question?

Me:

No, this has stopped being fun

Google:

Ok. You got 1 out of 3 correct. Thanks for playing

Me (in a last ditch effort to make something out of this post):

Okay Google, What is the meaning of life (secretly hoping for 42).

Google:

Life. n. The condition that distinguishes animals and plants from inorganic matter, including the capacity for growth, reproduction, functional activity, and continual change preceding death. Also 42.

Me:

Thanks for making my day

Google:

My apologies … I don’t understand

Me:

That’s okay, I love you anyway

Google:

Love seems powerful